#1) Deception
How many times have you dated or fallen in love with someone only to find out later that they are not the person you thought they were? In the beginning, they say and do all of the right things and lead you to believe that they could be the right one for you. Unfortunately as time goes on, the facade begins to crack. Little by little, their true self begins to emerge because continuing to wear the mask of your ideal partner becomes too hard.
Eventually, the real person is revealed and will hope that you may be too invested in the relationship to leave. It becomes evident very quickly that this person has misrepresented who they are and what they are really about.
There is a big difference between putting your best foot forward to make a good impression and being totally and intentionally deceptive. People are deceptive for many reasons. The main one being they believe they will not be accepted for who they really are and they are usually right. This is why it so important to spend the time to truly get to know prospective partners. To do otherwise is foolish and paves the way for eventual failure.
#2 Unprepared Partners
Most of us begin dating in our late teens and even though we are painfully naive about what to expect, we believe that by trial and error, we will eventually figure it out. The folks that do figure it out and are successful at relationships have done one thing the others haven’t. They have taken the time to figure out who they are first and what they need and want out of a relationship. They know what types of things are "deal breakers" for them in a relationship and never negotiate these requirements. What they will negotiate are their needs and wants and they know the difference between them. They understand the necessity of give and take in compromise. They realize that no relationship is perfect but they also know how to maintain a healthy relationship.
The prepared partner would never go on a hundred-mile trip to a destination they have never been without first filling up the gas tank and using a map for direction. They prepare as much for a relationship as they would a long trip only in more depth. They have a destination in mind and know how to get there before they begin. Conversely, unprepared partners may enjoy a spontaneous ride but have no back-up plan for future detours along the way.
Unfortunately, a large part of the population consists of unprepared partners. They go from one failed relationship to the next totally oblivious to the basic research on themselves that still must be done. After all, you shouldn’t expect for anyone to meet your requirements and most of your needs and wants if you don’t even know what they are!
#3 Unrealistic Expectations
Another reason that relationships fail is because one or both partners have unrealistic expectations of what their partner should bring to a relationship. One should never expect their partner to be the source of their own happiness. One should never expect their partner to fulfill their individual hopes, dreams or monetary aspirations. One should only expect mutual and reciprocated love, respect, moral support, friendship and partnership. Anything else you give or receive from the relationship is icing on the cake.
#4 Money
Money and how it is spent is one of the biggest reasons relationships fail. The reason being that this topic is usually not discussed in any depth until marriage. Even then, it is sometimes difficult to decide on how a couple’s money should be handled. There are several options that couples can elect to use. Some may decide to maintain separate checking accounts and be responsible for paying their own bill with their own money in addition to half of the joint expenses. This is usually the most equitable choice.
Others will agree to pool their money together and appoint one of the partners to be the "bill payer". This person is willing to take on accountability for the couple’s money. However, when one partner is out of the loop on what expenses are actually being incurred and paid, the tendency is to distrust or second guess the "bill payer". This is especially true when both have many credit cards and in blended families where one partner is responsible for supporting more children than the other.
When one of the partners has poor credit and is therefore unable to obtain loans for a house or car, dealing with money gets even harder. In this case it usually means that legally, only one partner will bear the brunt of the couple’s finances and leaves them open to financial ruin if the relationship fails.
#5 Failure to Respect your Partner’s Individuality
It is safe to say that no two people mature at the same rate and by the time one catches up with the other, sometimes couples wonder if they’ve grown apart. What used to be a cute, endearing quirk may now get on your nerves. And what used to be important to both may no longer be the case. It’s important for both partners to realize that most of us are constantly growing and changing. Maintaining one’s individuality in a relationship is paramount. Successful couples not only respect their partner’s individuality but also encourage it in addition to sharing interests in the life they have built together.
